Still Seeking

Wow. So, much research has been done on the stages of grief. I would be curious to know the “Stages of a Race” and how they vary from person to person. So far, for me anyway, its seems the first stage is: Eager Anticipation. Followed by: Confidence. Then: Over Confidence. Next: Deep Seated Insecurity. Now: Seeking Balance.

Geez. What’s next.? I’ve come to terms with my strengths and limitations – at least for now. I’m looking forward to just racing on Sunday, results be damned – at least for now. It seems my confidence is returning though it’s still somewhat shaky and tempered by reality.

I think ultimately, this simultaneous relentlessness and inclusiveness is what attracts me to triathlon. Anyone can do this – if they put in the training. And sometimes the training will bring you to your knees. It will build you up then tear you down again – if you let it be your only gauge of self-worth. If you define success with a narrow scope and allow too much to depend on that success, it will eat you alive. On the flip side, if you allow the training and the experiences along the way to shape you, to teach you, and to nurture you, it will make more of you than you ever thought possible. It’s a little like hiking in the mountains. Go in prepared and with a healthy respect and reverence for the elements and all the inherent dangers they hold, and you will come away richer in body, mind and spirit. If you go in with nothing but hubris and the arrogant desire to shape the mountain to your own design, you will be lucky to come away with your life. Like the mountain, triathlon can be a patient, merciful, and encouraging teacher if you give it the respect it deserves – and not allow any individual aspect of it to dominate who you think you are. Like any brutal truth, what you learn and what you gain entirely depends on you and your willingness to humble yourself and allow yourself to be filled with what you did not know before.