Saturday, May 2, 2015

Reality Check

This sums up this morning's ride:

I had such high hopes after averaging 18mph on a chunk of my ride two weeks ago.  I envisioned climbing hills with ease, hauling a$$ down the bike lane, commanding Rabbonni (my husband's bike, f.k.a. Teacher, renamed in Aramaic.  Because, well, seminary) with such skill and confidence that I look like someone who actually, I don't know, rides.  So.  Yeah.  That so didn't happen.

There are a number of factors that contributed to the crazy slowness of this ride.  It was a route I'd not ridden before.  The roads were crazy rough.  There were some hills.  My legs were sore from yesterday's intervals and swim.  But, mostly, it was just that I'm still such a newb.

I almost fell over at the first light - started to lean to the left, where I was still clipped in, and had to frantically unclip before I toppled over at the intersection in front of God and everybody.

Things went alright for a few miles after that, until I dropped a chain at another light - it was quite comical, really.  I'd been waiting for what seemed like forever for the light to change.  Low traffic means not very many cars to set off the light sensor.  I was beginning to consider walking over to the crosswalk and pressing the button when a car came up behind me.  Finally!  I clip in and realize that there is no tension - the chain had dropped from the front ring.  I then had to scurry over to the sidewalk - only on the left side of the road, of course - and fix my chain.  As I was doing this, of course, the light changed.  grrr.  So, I used the crosswalk - walking the bike across the road in case I lost the chain in the intersection (terrifying thought!!) and continued.

About three miles from the end of my ride, it happened again.  This time, I fixed it and it dropped again when I was about to take off.  Three strikes and I was out.  I called TriHubby and asked him to come and get me.  Defeat.

As I was waiting for him, I looked at my ride stats on Strava.  11.9 mph Average?!?!?  Then, I felt a little better when I saw I was awarded QOM for one segment.  Cool! Until, I saw that I was the only one to attempt that hill this year.  Looking at all time women - I was DFL.  Insert deflating sound effect here.  Crap.

So, I have a much longer way to go than I thought.  At least as far as today's ride is concerned.  You win some, you lose some, and sometimes, you fall over.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Oh. Boy.

I'm registered.  Lake St. Louis Triathlon 2015.  Short course.  August 22.  Gotta do it now...

I'm a little queasy.  And super excited.  Triathlon Season 2015, here I come.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Paving the Way

I had an epiphany this morning while I was lacing up my shoes.  Funny how that happens sometimes - the epiphany and the run are so intertwined.

Anyway, what I realized is that all this time I've been beating myself up for failing, all of this time that I've been berating myself for not making a "comeback" - I've been paving the way for this time and this place.  I'm so afraid to claim a 'comeback', so afraid that I'll fail again.  But I can't fail.  Because everything I do is paving another mile of the road to where I want to be.  Everything.

Even if I blow off a run and sit on the couch - a piece of pavement is laid as I realize that I would've felt so much better if I'd put on my shoes (or gotten on the bike, or jumped into the water.)

Even when I "fail" I learn what doesn't work.  Even if I don't make it to Lake St. Louis this time, or even if I race it and suck.  I paved a little bit farther.  There is no fail.  There is only forward.

Pretty bold, I guess.  But Phoenix is bold.  That's why I like her.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Still Moving ...

I'll be really honest.  The thing that's kept me away from here for the last bazillion years had nothing to do with a new baby (now 6!!  How did that happen?), nothing to do with seminary (graduated and a full time pastor!! How did THAT happen?), nothing to do with being busy or a hundred thousand other excuses and everything to do with being bitterly disappointed.

I was so sure that I would rock my comeback.  That I would drop the baby weight and get into racing again ASAP.  And I've MISSED it.  Like you miss an old lover when you're lonely.  MISSED it crazy.  And I just haven't made it back yet.  I did a sprint a couple of years ago.  It sucked.  Or, rather, my racing sucked the race was great. But I was overweight and undertrained and all around bummed out.  I've done a couple of half-maris and those were kind of cool.  But not the same. You can't go back.

But, you can (I can) go forward.  I'm still training.  Not like I used to but I'm hitting pavement and trainer.  Water is next.  I'm moving forward.  Eating better.  Kicking myself around less.

Phoenix is still here.  Still moving.  Forward.

May it be so ...

Monday, January 5, 2015

Oh, yes.

I listened to an awesome podcast by Zen and the Art of Triathlon this weekend, "How to Train", and it really helped shift my mindset about my training right now.  He talks about polarized training and doing almost all your training either really easy or really hard - limiting the really hard bits to just 15-20 min./sport/week.

I took that philosophy into my trail run this morning and oh. my. goodness. did it change the way I felt after.  It really made me realize the way I've been driving myself into the ground since Noah was born to try and get back into shape, like, yesterday.  And that, like my perfectionist tendencies in general, was actually totally defeating my purpose.  I'd overtrain, get injured or sick, and have to quit for awhile.  Then, start the whole damn thing over again.  Now, I've had some successes since then.  The Half Mari in Kansas City a couple of years ago was great.  But, even then, I think I've been dancing on the edge of overtraining for years now.

I know better.  I really do.  When I actually did this right, eight years ago, I did a LOT of slow stuff punctuated by intervals.  The slow stuff drove me NUTS - it did - but it made me stronger and more resilient and happier.  Like this morning's run.

I'm at a very base level of fitness right now.  Fast is like 9:45 for me and I can only maintain that for a short time.  Zone 1-2 is over a 12 minute mile just now.   And that's humbling, it is.  But I have to make peace with where I am if I want to get to where I want to be.  So, today, I did just a few hard intervals in my running segments (I'm still taking walking breaks of a minute every ten minutes).  I didn't even get 7 minutes of hard in and I took it WAY easier on the rest of the run than I have been.  But I feel AMAZING right now.  I didn't finish the starving or shaky or in need of a nap - as I have been.  We'll see if I feel the need for a nap later this morning.

But, I think I'm on to something.  If I can just relinquish that pride and that brutal self-bullying and that need to be somebody I was a long time ago and just release myself into what is - I actually have fun.  I LOVED being out there - like I always do, but I loved it without feeling like I was about to keel over.

So, there is a life lesson here - DUH! - in addition to a training lesson.  I hope I can hang onto it for awhile.