Friday, October 5, 2007

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Who is this person taking over my previously capable body? What has she done with the Beast? Most importantly - will I ever be normal again?

This morning, in the pool, I felt like I'd been sucked into a slow motion machine - no matter what I did to try and propel my body forward, I seemed to be stuck in this maddeningly slow trajectory. I was only able to log 2500 yds and still got out of the pool feeling like someone sucked my energy out with a straw. I'm still in that mode - despite a 45 min. nap post swim.

My drive is diminishing - if not out and out gone. My body is expanding - and its only been six weeks! I'm feeling sorry for myself - despite my underlying gratefulness for all of my unwarranted blessings.

I was 200 lbs when I went into labor with Boy Genius. That was an unbearable number to see on the scale - baby or no baby. I'm terrified that the same will happen this time, despite the unarguable fact that I am in MUCH better shape (like 100% better) than I was when I was pregnant with BG, despite the fact that I'm vigilant about what I eat and how much (usually. there's still some chocolate going on, people, I'm only human!) - I fear that this pregnancy will be like a landslide, piling uncontrollably onto my body until I'm unrecognizable as my former self. Kind of a stupid thing to be "terrified" of, really, considering all the real threats in this world, but there it is, nonetheless.

Sorry for the rant but I'm just at a total loss. I'd forgotten what a roller coaster the first trimester is. The last month and its unbelievable girth was really all that stuck in my mind. By the time my due date came and went I had come to believe that there was no baby - everyone had been lying to me and I had just gotten incredibly fat. Imagine the shock and awe that ensued when BG made his 10 lb entrance into the world. I'm sure it will be a similar adventure with this little bit. There's just so much that's unknown, its kind of scary. Imagine, big, bad, brave me trembling with fear at the thought of a tiny little baby. Stranger things have happened friends, stranger things indeed.

10 comments:

stronger said...

unwarranted blessings? Are you kidding?? You deserve each and every blessing in your life. It's hard work to grow a baby and swim at the same time!

21stCenturyMom said...

I feel for you! I got heeeyoooge with all 3 kids and for me it was fat. Fat that I lost. So no worries.

The tired part was hard, though. I could have slept 20 hours/ day when I was pregnant. As Stronger pointed out, it's a lot of work to grow a whole human bean into a human being. Be nice to yourself!

Bolder said...

have you been reading TriSaraTops?

Dying Water Buffalo said...

heh. this post and comments for it have made me wonder about my decision for wanting to have kids! :)

Jane said...

Sorry, can't give advice b/c i'd be more terrified than you. just thinking about the whole kid issues makes my head spin. However, i do second the TriSaratops blog

Just focus on staying healthy. You already have an awesome base with the triathlons.

Rural Girl said...

You are doing great. Swimming? I could hardly get off the couch with my second. In the end it will all come together in one perfect little package.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

oh you and me both, sistah! I was 200 pounds when I had by babies - and I'm probably a lot shorter than you even though there were two! I lost it all, and so will you - do not stress about it now, it ain't worth it! You are growing a baby - it's hard work! Harder than any race you will ever do.

Vickie said...

Once you get through the roller coaster up and down of the first 3 months, as long as you are keeping active I would guess you will see a turnaround. I know what it feels like to be "stuck" in sand. I think maybe you are seeing my frustration, although for different reasons. I have a strong belief that you will not revert to some out of shape mass you don't recognize. You have come this far, you won't want to go back. You will just have to "reroute" for a while. Just hang in there a little longer.

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

I have to agree with the rest that these first three months are just draining. And then to add on your high level of training and exercise, of course you are going to be worn out. Treat yourself well :)

No Wetsuit Girl... overseas! said...

I have nothing wise to add, since I've never been there. But it'll all be over again someday, your body will be yours again, and I'm sure when that day comes you'll remember why all this was worth it. At least I think that's how it works?