Thursday, October 25, 2007

End of an Era


Its really starting to hit me that Boy Genius won't be my only child anymore. Of course, I was intellectually aware of this as soon as that little pink plus sign appeared at 1:00 a.m. on September 18th. But, now that the initial shock and excitement have mellowed, that awareness is sinking into my gut.


From the moment I was pregnant with Boy Genius, and especially since I first saw him on that ultrasound screen, kicking his little legs, showing off his boyhood for everyone in the room, there has been an indescribable bond. I know it is not unique to him and me - most parents experience the same with their children, I'm sure. But, we are a world unto ourselves - mother and son - family of two. I'm sure his father felt outside of our tiny circle when we were married - and I imagine Hubby feels like an outsider at times, as I do with him and his two children. And now, our tiny circle is expanding. This isn't a bad thing at all, but it makes me sad - for him and for myself. Its the end of what we've known and the beginning of something unknown.








He feels it too. Just last night he was mourning that I wouldn't be available to just him anymore. When I promised that it was very important to me to continue to spend time alone with him, even after the baby is born, even in the first few months, he said "Don't promise that now because you'll regret it later when you can't keep it." It broke my heart that he had so little faith in my love for him. And I resented the little peanut, if only for a second, for coming between me and my boy. My special boy, my little man, my only. I do have faith that all of this will prove to be a good thing, I do. But it doesn't make it easy to say goodbye to our circle of two.












































8 comments:

stronger said...

I bet he'll fall in love with the peanut just as much as you.

21stCenturyMom said...

Aw - I'm with Stronger. He'll love the little peanut once s/he arrives. And after the baby comes your special time together will seem even more special so there's that to look forward to.

Rural Girl said...

"We are a world unto ourselves-mother and son"
That is beautiful, exactly true, and never-changing.

Kim said...

nothing is more special than a sibling bond! i got goosebumps thinking about my oder brother! i am so excited for you and your family!

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

I know exactly how you feel, except that my boy was younger than yours - nearly 5, when my daughter was born. I have to say though...the best thing in the world was watching him lie with her on the blanket on the floor when she was just weeks old and talk to her like she was his best friend. They still have very sweet moments, even if they are only sprinkled in with the screaming ;)

Jane said...

Tell him that it's very cool and fun to be the older sibling! My relationship with my sibs is best thing ever. And even more so as we get older. It's a friend but with a blood bond. Also, as older bro, he can boss around Peanut (as older sis I was very bossy!)

Please tell him from me that it'll be fun!

Vickie said...

He may be a little jealous now, but will become a protector in the future. Without your knowing it, and while he may seem still like your little boy, he will be moving into a new phase of his own soon, one where you won't necessarily be a part of everything he thinks or does. Another little one will ease those pangs for you, and maybe help him not feel guilty for leaving you behind, so to speak. There will always be that intimacy you share with him, but it will take on a different direction as he grows up. Its life.

jeanne said...

awww, you're making me cry! that's too sweet. You'll never lose your special bond with him.