Trick or Treat

Hubby and I went to a Halloween party last night dressed as many taxpayers' worst nightmare. Who says you have to be a monster to be scary?

Oh, and for the record, in Missouri a "Hoosier" is not someone who lives in Indiana but rather one who dwells in the less sophisticated areas of the state. Also refers to the type of people who often need DNA testing to determine the timeless question: "Who's your daddy?"

End of an Era

Its really starting to hit me that Boy Genius won't be my only child anymore. Of course, I was intellectually aware of this as soon as that little pink plus sign appeared at 1:00 a.m. on September 18th. But, now that the initial shock and excitement have mellowed, that awareness is sinking into my gut.

From the moment I was pregnant with Boy Genius, and especially since I first saw him on that ultrasound screen, kicking his little legs, showing off his boyhood for everyone in the room, there has been an indescribable bond. I know it is not unique to him and me - most parents experience the same with their children, I'm sure. But, we are a world unto ourselves - mother and son - family of two. I'm sure his father felt outside of our tiny circle when we were married - and I imagine Hubby feels like an outsider at times, as I do with him and his two children. And now, our tiny circle is expanding. This isn't a bad thing at all, but it makes me sad - for him and for myself. Its the end of what we've known and the beginning of something unknown.

He feels it too. Just last night he was mourning that I wouldn't be available to just him anymore. When I promised that it was very important to me to continue to spend time alone with him, even after the baby is born, even in the first few months, he said "Don't promise that now because you'll regret it later when you can't keep it." It broke my heart that he had so little faith in my love for him. And I resented the little peanut, if only for a second, for coming between me and my boy. My special boy, my little man, my only. I do have faith that all of this will prove to be a good thing, I do. But it doesn't make it easy to say goodbye to our circle of two.

Pregalete

This morning, after my swim (2700 - not too shabby), I was encouraged by a comment from one of my fellow swimmers. She's really a much better swimmer than me and yet, when we were talking about running and other athletic endeavors she made the comment that "Hanging out with you guys, the athletes, makes me feel like such a slacker." Wha? She's grouping me with the athletes? Lemme say there are some serious athletes in that bunch - chics that don't just win their age group but the whole frickin' race. Chics with 0% body fat and muscles that rival any beefcake. I've never really put myself in that league (mostly because - well - I'm not). But it was cool to hear that someone considers me an athlete. Especially in my current state. It gives me hope that my body and fitness will return someday. But, right now, it is different. I'm still working it, but things have changed. I'm not the "athlete" that I became such a short time ago. I'm a pregnant athlete - a pregalete. And that's a pretty cool thing to be. Even if chics on the trail give me funny looks because I'm going so slow. Maybe I should do what No Wetsuit Girl's friend did and say "Oh yeah, well I'm pregnant." to every person who looks at me funny. Or maybe I should just wait a couple more weeks (hours) and my belly will make the announcement for me. Right now, it could be mistaken for a beer gut, but that won't be so for long. I'll just keep truckin' in Pregalete style and see where I end up. Next stop: Mommylete.

Its All Good!

First OB appointment today went very well. I think I'm really going to like this OB - she's got three kids of her own, is very approachable, has a great sense of humor and is very supportive of me staying active throughout the pregnancy.

We got to see a picture of our little peanut - heartbeat going strong and measuring right at 9 weeks so everything looks perfect. I was also very happy to hear that the risk of miscarriage after 9 weeks is pretty low so, as my doc said, I'm over the hump. So, its really happening, people - not that I've had my doubts but it definitely seems a bit more real after seeing that little heart fluttering on the monitor.

Yesterday, my friend Linda and I got together to go for a nice hike on Taum Sauk "Mountain", the highest point in Missouri. We had beautiful weather and some nice fall color - and three years faded away like nothing as soon as we saw each other. Friendship is a beautiful thing.

Speaking of friendship - thanks for sticking with me through this about face and the adventure that is just beginning. You guys are just the best - supporting me through my first season of tri and now this. So, anyway, I 'preciate it! Let the "off-season" begin!

I'm Still Here!

First of all, I'm sorry for my inactivity here in blogland. Many, many excuses, most of them uninteresting. The main thing is, I guess, that I started this blog as a "tri blog" and, though I'm still swimming and running (and occasionally getting on my bike), "tri-ing" seems far, far in the distance right now. Especially as my current pace - on the road or in the water - resembles one more likely to be found in the Senior Olympics - in the stands - than at any self-respecting triathlon. Honestly, I've seen people toting oxygen and using a walker move faster. So, that's been a little . . . how shall we say. . . detrimental to my self esteem? A lady gave me a look during my long run on Saturday with Hubby and I said to him "See, people are starting to notice I'm pregnant - I'm getting the belly looks." I was thinking I'd graduated to the "bad ass pregnant chic" who's out there running. "No," Hubby graciously corrected me,"I think she was just looking at you because you're obviously into running with your fuel belt and your tri top but you're running so slow, so she was wondering what was up with that." "oh." "right." So, I'm a little worried I don't have much to offer anymore but complaints about how sucky the first trimester is or tips on how not to get run over by the faster crowd who can't even get out "on your left" before they've overtaken you. Its a new kind of adventure this "prego" thing. I've done it before, but not quite the same way - I was lucky to peel my pregnant a$$ off the couch to get another helping of Macho Nachos back then, much less run 4 miles in the dark. And that seems like a really long time ago. Really long time. So, its kind of like I'm starting over - sailing into uncharted waters.

I had an epiphany in the pool yesterday. I was bemoaning my slowness (what else is new?) when it occurred to me how good the water felt. And it hit me - this time is not about goals or improvements or times or miles or yards. Its about moving - as much as I can for as long as I can - just keep moving. And in that regard, I think I'm doing pretty well. I'll add another "goal" to that - just keep writing. And if you want to keep reading, that's just glorious with me. Your friendship and support has meant a lot to me and it will continue to. I promise not to leave you in the dark for too long, anymore. And to read more of those fabulous blogs in my sidebar!

Peace out, friends.

Peace

This morning, in the pool, I made peace with my body and where its at right now. Coincidentally, or not, this has led to a chain reaction of happy goodness and one of my best days ever.

From the beginning:

Last night - Tri-Hubby shows me the back cover of The Conservationist. On it is a picture of best friend whom I haven't spoken with in 3 and a half years (does that make her my ex-best friend). She has adopted a section of the Blair Creek Trail, the trail Tri-Hubby and I hiked last month for our anniversary - the trail where I first suspected that I might be "with child". What a weird coincidence. I silently hope she is doing well and, once again, regret parting ways with her.

Alarm rings at 4:20a.m. Ugh. Nibble some cereal, set the timer for 10 min. and rest some more - all per "manage morning sickness" instructions.

4:30 a.m.- out of bed. Tri-Hubby is getting over a bug and opts to sleep in this morning. I go upstairs and check my email. Unbelievably, there is an email from my best friend. Its not to me, but to an email group we both belong to - but it has her email on it. I send her a quick note about the magazine without much expectation of hearing back from her - its been so long, so much water under that bridge. I get my shtuff together and head out the door.

5:00 a.m. - in the pool. The workout today is a series of long intervals - 300s and 400s. I've already decided that, after Friday and the pity fest that followed that swim, I will take it easy - no sprints, no pushing. The long sets allow me to find my rhythm, enjoy the water, and daydream about what life will be like when the baby comes, resuming "training" again and what it might be like next fall, competing in the Lake St. Louis Sprint. These dreams keep me content to coast and keep my heart rate steady. I get in 2900 yds and leave the pool feeling a bit tired but refreshed.

7:00 a.m. - back home. I'm actually able to ingest a cup of coffee. Caffeine is not my best friend right now but a little kick is really helpful - and has been impossible to stomach since last week. I take my little cup of joe as a good sign that I just might feel good today.

9:00 a.m - work - I open my email and find an email from my best friend. She is not my ex-best friend. She is happy that I emailed her as she's been thinking about me but has lost my email address. To top it off, she's in love and doing fabulously. We agree to speak this evening - too much water under that bridge to cover in an email. I find myself leaking tears of joy. I have missed her so very much.

The rest of the day - Reprieve from morning sickness, actual tangible energy and finally a peace that my body has a job to do. I am not a lump, I am not a wuss, my body will not be "destroyed". I am grateful that I have the fitness base that I do to get me through the endurance event that is pregnancy. I am grateful for this day. I am grateful for everything. Ahh. That feels so good.

Peace.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Who is this person taking over my previously capable body? What has she done with the Beast? Most importantly - will I ever be normal again?

This morning, in the pool, I felt like I'd been sucked into a slow motion machine - no matter what I did to try and propel my body forward, I seemed to be stuck in this maddeningly slow trajectory. I was only able to log 2500 yds and still got out of the pool feeling like someone sucked my energy out with a straw. I'm still in that mode - despite a 45 min. nap post swim.

My drive is diminishing - if not out and out gone. My body is expanding - and its only been six weeks! I'm feeling sorry for myself - despite my underlying gratefulness for all of my unwarranted blessings.

I was 200 lbs when I went into labor with Boy Genius. That was an unbearable number to see on the scale - baby or no baby. I'm terrified that the same will happen this time, despite the unarguable fact that I am in MUCH better shape (like 100% better) than I was when I was pregnant with BG, despite the fact that I'm vigilant about what I eat and how much (usually. there's still some chocolate going on, people, I'm only human!) - I fear that this pregnancy will be like a landslide, piling uncontrollably onto my body until I'm unrecognizable as my former self. Kind of a stupid thing to be "terrified" of, really, considering all the real threats in this world, but there it is, nonetheless.

Sorry for the rant but I'm just at a total loss. I'd forgotten what a roller coaster the first trimester is. The last month and its unbelievable girth was really all that stuck in my mind. By the time my due date came and went I had come to believe that there was no baby - everyone had been lying to me and I had just gotten incredibly fat. Imagine the shock and awe that ensued when BG made his 10 lb entrance into the world. I'm sure it will be a similar adventure with this little bit. There's just so much that's unknown, its kind of scary. Imagine, big, bad, brave me trembling with fear at the thought of a tiny little baby. Stranger things have happened friends, stranger things indeed.

Before and After

Before

After

I'm just sayin.

Its Not Easy Being Green.

Oy. Well, up to now, I figured I was dodging the whole "morning sickness" gig. I credited my fitness, my regular exercise and my healthy diet. Silly me.

Last night, around 1:00 a.m., it reared its ugly, nauseous head. So far, it seems to be like my first pregnancy - nearly constant nausea but no actual - um - puking. Sorry. There's no delicate way to say it.

So, today, I'm exhausted, grumpy and ill. I skipped my swim this morning - when the alarm went of at 4:20 a.m., I just couldn't do it. I know. Wuss.

I'm running tomorrow, hell or high water. Running has kept me feeling "normal", even though I have to slow down ridiculously. At least I'm showing a bit so I have a visible excuse for running like a 200 year old tortoise (well, actually, I'm showing a lot. Twins and Triplets are words I've heard quite a bit the last couple of weeks - I'm not "supposed" to be showing at all. I'll take a picture. I'm sure you'll love me for it.) .

We went out for a bike ride yesterday morning - TriHubby's bike was finally done - they had to order some parts and move a few mountains to get it to fit him properly - and we wanted to take the new tribike couple out for a spin. Unfortunately, when we arrived, Pyro's back tire had burst. Apparently, we had it hanging too close to the exhaust and it kind of melted the tire. Damn Newbies. We just can't seem to get anything right!

So, that was total suckage, but I did get a nice walk in while TriHubby rode Teacher (more on that name later) back and forth. He had the clipless pedals instantly - I was jealous - and the issue of him "trying" to keep up with me is now obviously over. He was flying!!! I felt so proud of him as I watched him zoom away - he's going to really kick some ass, lemme tell ya. And walking gave me a whole new perspective on a trail that I've ridden many, many times. Of course, some of the time was spent bemoaning the last time I'd ridden that trail and done a 40 miler followed by a three mile run off. Those were the days, my friends, those were the days. But much of my walk was very enjoyable - there's so much you don't notice when your riding or running a trail and focusing on speed or power or cadence. The river was just beautiful - slow and powerful, like me! And I was able to really examine a ceramic mural that decorates the trail head - the detail was amazing! To think I just flew by that mural so many times thinking, "huh, that's pretty." but never really noticed it. How much of life do I just hurry through? Funny how lessons come to us as we need to learn them. Time to slow down a bit, take in the detail, and be grateful for all that I have. I think I can deal with that assignment - if I can just get over this green feeling!