Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Time to Take my Medicine

This morning's swim SUCKED. This "crud" is far from over. And I meet a swim coach on Saturday. She is so going to kick my ass. But, that's OK. I think its time I got my ass kicked. Its time to take my medicine.

As Bolder pointed out, my readership is limited. In fact, my regular readers total two: Bolder - not sure what I did to deserve that, but it is sincerely an honor. And Hubby. Who does not deserve the name Switchback Boy. Not by a longshot. Unless, of course AJ, visits again and we can talk about Crossfit. Too much, Bold? And Vicki. You still out there, Vicki? I enjoy your comments. . .

Regardless, I am ill advised to alienate a large percentage of my readership, especially when he shares my bed.

Three other words stood out for me in Bold's comment: "regret, late, wife". I can't even begin . . . No words suffice and all I can think to say is I'm sorry. That grief is unimaginable to me. Let it be something that your reminder has humbled me. Whatever I mistook for humility in myself before was a shadow of nothing.

What kind of person am I to try and make my main supporter and mate feel badly because of my own insecurities?

Some things Hubby does deserve to be known for:
- Since we met, he has been my "number one fan", holding down the home front when I was off rehearsing until all hours, helping to fund those exorbitant headshots, coming to see every show he could - he saw a couple of my shows five or six times. Then stayed for strike. It doesn't get more supportive than that.
- When, without any explainable reason, I announced I wanted to quit acting, he stood behind me, even though he was mystified.
- When, without any explainable reason, I announced that I was training for a triathlon, he remained mystified, but kept on standing behind me. He entertains our kids when I'm off on one of my weekend monster workouts, puts up with my hours on the trainer with no complaint, and doesn't grumble when my alarm goes off at 4:45 a.m. He's gone to the pool with me to offer me pointers (he used to be on the swim team and was an ace water polo player), suffered on a two hour bike ride with me in 30 degree, windy conditions, and run with me at 5:00 in the morning. He authorized me to spend an ungodly amount on a used bike on ebay because "I had a good feeling about it". He's supported my desire to hire a swimming coach - who, did I mention, is going to kick my ass this weekend?
- He reads this.
- He loves me, even when I'm unloveable.

So there it is. Whatever kind of bird I hope to evolve into, I'm not there yet. I'm still just the worm, crawling out of the ashes. If he sticks around, though, I think I have a chance of flying.


Bolder said...

now, i'm sorry. my personal life is creeping into blogland this week. in my real life, i tend to not like chit chat, if you want to lose me -- then just talk to me about the weather... i tend to talk about what's in my heart, and in my head... but, not in blogland.

i didn't mean to offend you, or the the husband formely known as SwitchbackBoy... but, i do have some more advice here -- don't waste your time on your wife's blog -- you're already livin' it -- read mine!!!

ok, i've realized you've been holding out on me, enough with the bikinis and the hand wounds -- where's the bike porn???

it's all about the bike.

Phoenix said...

Please don't think I was or am offended, you give great wisdom, sensei- and I agree, Hubby should check out your blog. As for the bike porn - I have yet to take any pictures of Pyro that do her justice (you've seen my photography skills in action). Below is the link to the pic I fell in love with.

There's more expensive, newer bikes out there, but she was meant for me. Now if I can just figure out how to ride her!!!

teacherwoman said...

nice post. I look forward to reading more! Thanks for stopping by on my blog!

Danielle said...

I just had a session with a swim coach and now I am all messed up! But even my first time out alone afterwards I knocked 10 seconds off my 100yd time with the pull buoy, so once I can figure out how to make my legs work right, I am sure I will see the same improvement without it :-)

Bolder said...

good, we're all good.

now, bike porn is very simple.

but, there are unspoken rules.

first, you have to shift into your big ring -- only show a pic in the big ring.

next, you have to place that bad gurl up against a blank wall.

then, take one pic with a flash, and one without.

finally -- try to get it in focus. generally, this is a given... but, yes -- i've noticed your photo skills... i'm only guessing it was a previous occupational hazard from being on the other side of the camera...

make me proud.

p.s. i think i had a popular blog last year, because the most interesting blogs, are of that of the newbs on their journey into triathlon... i'm looking forward to following yours...

p.p.s. here's a pro tip on how to ride your precious Pyro -- rubber side down. no need to thank me, i'm here to help!

Audrey said...

I wish I could forget people were reading-sometimes I get so worried about offending people or appearing a certain way I'm not entirely myself. I guess that's the nature of the blogging beast-finding a balance between being yourself and being a presentable self :) I just try and remind myself the funniest comedians often offend EVERYONE and people take it in stride in the name of humor!

I second Danielle's comment. I got my friend (a former collegiate swimmer and kids swim coach) to watch me and give tips and after one session I was much improved. That, and actually spending some time swimming (I avoided this at the beginning), seemed to make a difference!