Wednesday, December 13, 2006

What am I doing?

In short - I am trying to answer my own question. What am I doing. Not so much why am I doing it. Why is subjective, ever-changing and unimportant. What is always the key. I'm evolving. This is a truth for me - always has been. If I stop evolving, if I stagnate, I die. Simple. A pain in the ass. But true.

I started the adult portion of my life pretty sure of what I was doing - or at least what I wanted to do. I was a theatre person. I was an actor. It was the one thing I was sure of - so sure that I spent seven years of my life studying it from BFA to MFA - meaningless letters to meaningless letters. Spent some time teaching it part time - more time doing it, sometimes for money sometimes just for the thrill of seeing my name in the paper and reading some good - and some bad - reviews.

Fast forward 20 years to now - minus one year - and you find a discontented, bitter, tired shell of an actor. Done. Finis. I fell out of love. So now, what.

The word comes from the ashes of what I was certain of - and makes no sense. Triathlon. So there it is. Its what I'm doing. Its not all I'm doing - I do a lot. I work in a law office by day - I'm a mom, a step-mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a neighbor. I'm a gardener - especially in the spring when POTENTIAL is heavy in the air. I've got a dog. I like to cook. I'm a health freak - especially about what I eat. But over all of it, for some unknown, cosmic reason, is Triathlon. Not Ironman. Not even Olympic - yet. Just Sprint. Just Swim Bike Run. For an hour - or, for me a couple of hours. Did I mention that I'm slow? But, again, there it is. I'm doing it.

If anyone is reading this, you are my witness. I'm doing it.

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