The Bike

I have a confession to make. I'm obsessed with getting a new bike. Mostly because there is just no way we can afford it right now - and also because I have to keep my desire fairly secret because . . . did I mention there is no way we can afford it right now. The last thing I want is for my wonderful husband to feel guilty about not being able to give me what I want. I also don't want my desire for the bike to be proof that this whole triathlon thing is a bad idea. I'm sure my 5 am stint on the trainer this morning - the very noisy trainer - was proof enough for him. I suppose there's just no way he can sleep through the unending whirring of my labor on the trainer - not to mention Troy Jacobson hollering "30 more seconds!" from the television. He was a little grumpy this morning.

But I digress. See, my bike is ok. Its fine. Its heavy. Its old. Its a mountain bike. From Sears. OK. That's doable, right? Truth be told, its an obstacle I'm not willing to face right now. What if we simply can't afford it - ever - or at least not before my planned races? What if my bike falls apart on the race course? What if all the other triathletes sneer at me and my poor bike? What if we don't get invited to the post race party because we're just not cool enough? I certainly can't bring myself to try to participate in any group rides - even though I sorely need some pointers.

I'm starting to get a feel for the water - I'm even laboring under the delusion that I might turn into a pretty decent swimmer. The bike is another story. I still feel awkward and a little bit afraid up there - and stopping at a stop sign and then trying to get going again has proven embarrassing on more than one occasion. What am I, seven years old? I really need to feel one with my bike - but I'm a little bit unhappy with it right now. Maybe I'm just putting all my fears of inferiority onto my bike - making my bike the one whose "not good enough", my bike responsible for my slower than molasses on a cold day bike times. Its not my fault - its the bike's fault. Poor baby. Its shaken off the rust and stiffness of years of neglect to try and help me through this thing and it gets nothing but disrespect from me. Maybe we should seek counseling, my bike and I. Maybe I should just let it go and keep it going - and trust that if I truly need a new bike, one will become available to me. Did I mention I'm a worrier?