Newb

Sometimes, I hate being a newb. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. I hate looking like a dork on the bike and in the pool and like an old man on the run. I hate my pudge. I hate that all of it is still so hard - even when my mileage is nothing compared to many of my teammates. I hate it when I break some unbelievable barrier for me and the people who are closest to me don't really want to hear about it or don't think its a big deal. I hate that I have to say "I'm training for a triathlon" when it'd be so much easier to say "I'm a triathlete." But I can't say that yet. I don't feel like I've earned it. I hate that I work so hard and still don't feel like I've earned it.

Sometimes I love being a newb. I love it that almost every other week, I have a breakthrough workout because all of this is so new. I love that I feel like I'm seven years old on the bike and just discovering how to make this thing go - and discovering that it can go FAST and I can laugh with the wind in my hair and I won't fall down. I love that when I do fall down, I realize that its really not that bad. I love that I have matching skinned knees and when I wear a dress I look like a tomboy. I love that I keep discovering new muscles where there used to be just soft stuff. I love that I'm starting to feel like a swimmer in the pool. I love that I'm running faster than I ever thought I could "back in the day" when I first started running and I was the slowest runner I knew. I love that my skin smells like chlorine. I love it that I know I can only get better at this.

I love it that, while there are a few athletes I've met that treat me with a removed disdain because I'm a newb, there are people out there like you guys - who encourage me and cheer me on - and who accept my encouragement and cheers - and that, in general, triathletes are such good, fun and intelligent people. I look forward to earning my place among you.