Monday, April 2, 2007

Newb

Sometimes, I hate being a newb. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. I hate looking like a dork on the bike and in the pool and like an old man on the run. I hate my pudge. I hate that all of it is still so hard - even when my mileage is nothing compared to many of my teammates. I hate it when I break some unbelievable barrier for me and the people who are closest to me don't really want to hear about it or don't think its a big deal. I hate that I have to say "I'm training for a triathlon" when it'd be so much easier to say "I'm a triathlete." But I can't say that yet. I don't feel like I've earned it. I hate that I work so hard and still don't feel like I've earned it.

Sometimes I love being a newb. I love it that almost every other week, I have a breakthrough workout because all of this is so new. I love that I feel like I'm seven years old on the bike and just discovering how to make this thing go - and discovering that it can go FAST and I can laugh with the wind in my hair and I won't fall down. I love that when I do fall down, I realize that its really not that bad. I love that I have matching skinned knees and when I wear a dress I look like a tomboy. I love that I keep discovering new muscles where there used to be just soft stuff. I love that I'm starting to feel like a swimmer in the pool. I love that I'm running faster than I ever thought I could "back in the day" when I first started running and I was the slowest runner I knew. I love that my skin smells like chlorine. I love it that I know I can only get better at this.

I love it that, while there are a few athletes I've met that treat me with a removed disdain because I'm a newb, there are people out there like you guys - who encourage me and cheer me on - and who accept my encouragement and cheers - and that, in general, triathletes are such good, fun and intelligent people. I look forward to earning my place among you.

4 comments:

Bolder said...

who called you a 'newb'? he's probably someone too loose with his words, and too loose with da wimmins too...

EVERYONE i trained and raced with last year was already an Ironman. i didn't care, because, i knew what was in me... i knew the nuclear arsenal that i was building day-by-day...

and, i knew that if my preparation met my opportunity on race day, i would unleash my arsenal onto that course and i would bring it to its knees when it, and life, tried to break me down.

be the newb.

make the deposits, climb the rungs, and stockpile for YOUR day.

it will be here soon enough.

stronger said...

Earning your place? I think you have already.

Vickie said...

And just remember, those who "love" you are the ones who count! We cheer you on because we know how hard it is sometimes to get there, to accomplish the sport of triathlon, and be accepted as triathletes. And that too is what counts. Just remember you have people in blog land who care about you and how you do.

a.maria said...

ya know what, i feel you on all of that. being the newb really sucks and it's awesome all at the same time.

some of us, we'll always be newbies. some of us, we'll grow, mature, and turn into amazing athletes.

i think you're well on your way. and the journey to get there is what its all about!