Paving the Way

I had an epiphany this morning while I was lacing up my shoes.  Funny how that happens sometimes - the epiphany and the run are so intertwined.

Anyway, what I realized is that all this time I've been beating myself up for failing, all of this time that I've been berating myself for not making a "comeback" - I've been paving the way for this time and this place.  I'm so afraid to claim a 'comeback', so afraid that I'll fail again.  But I can't fail.  Because everything I do is paving another mile of the road to where I want to be.  Everything.

Even if I blow off a run and sit on the couch - a piece of pavement is laid as I realize that I would've felt so much better if I'd put on my shoes (or gotten on the bike, or jumped into the water.)

Even when I "fail" I learn what doesn't work.  Even if I don't make it to Lake St. Louis this time, or even if I race it and suck.  I paved a little bit farther.  There is no fail.  There is only forward.

Pretty bold, I guess.  But Phoenix is bold.  That's why I like her.